We’ve all been there; that moment when things have gotten so bad that it becomes difficult to see how they could ever get better again. Maybe you’ve lost your job and bills are piling up, maybe you’ve just ended a long term relationship and thoughts of eternal loneliness are flooding your mind; either way, there has to be something you can do to get back on track. And as a matter of fact, there is.
1.) Take one day. When it feels like your world is ending it can be tough to think about anything else, so do what you need to do to clear your mind. However, you need to put a time limit on your groveling or you could end up wallowing forever. If that means sleeping in bed for an entire day, do it. Maybe it means going for a run or watching your favorite movie on repeat. Whatever it is that you need to do, take a day to completely absorb yourself in whatever situation you’re in, then wake up tomorrow, and begin to move on.
2.) Comprehend your new reality. Constantly saying “If only this hadn’t happened…” to yourself won’t get you anywhere. This did happen. If you lost your job, you need to stop and look at your current situation without your mind getting carried away. So sit down and take a look at your finances. What are your necessities and what will it take to pay for them (and no, cable television is not a “necessity”)? Exactly how much money do you need to make to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly?
3.) Make a plan, in writing. And don’t generalize. Saying, “I’ll find another job,” isn’t going to help you right now. Of course you will, but how? Writing down a serious of steps leading to a job would be much more constructive. Something like: 1.) Talk to everyone I know to see if they know if their current job is hiring, 2.) Search the want ads, 3.) Update my resume, 4.) Go down to the job center to check current openings, etc.
4.) Find the reason (if there is one) and learn from it. Sometimes things happen for no reason, and there really is no lesson involved. Some things, however, do have a reason for occurring. Is there a reason you were laid off instead of your coworker? It may be that you were simply at the company for less time. Finding the reason allows you to either prevent this situation from happening again or absolve yourself from feeling guilty over something you had no control over in the first place.
5.) Appreciate the things you do have. No matter what, you still have some things to be grateful for. A divorce is rough, of course, but you still have you children, right? Try to focus on other aspects of your life that are going well. Maybe this whole situation has made you realize that you have some seriously amazing friends who would do anything for you.
Do you have any tips to turning a bad situation into a new beginning?
It’s fairly common to be unsatisfied with your current situation in life. Maybe you are happy with your relationship but your job is making you miserable. Maybe you just keep going in circles and you can’t seem to break out of your rut. Either way, change often takes time. However, it all begins with that first step, and here are a few first steps that will show a little bit of improvement immediately.
1.) Let go of the past. As wise Rafiki says in The Lion King, “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the from way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.” And even though our lives are not lived through animation, the lesson holds up just the same. The past is the past, and dwelling on it isn’t going to solve anything. Learn what you can from it and then let it go.
2.) Cut out people that hurt you. If you have a relationship that is causing you grief, end it. Just because someone was your best friend in 4th grade or is related to you by blood does not mean you have to keep them in your life. The only people you should have time for are the ones that treat you with respect and dignity and support you when you need it.
3.) Stand up for yourself. If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will? If you feel you are being disrespected in some way, say something. Allowing yourself to be a doormat certainly doesn’t feel good, and the second you stop being one you’ll realize how amazing it feels to be treated with respect.
4.) De-clutter your mind. Have something that’s weighing on your mind? Take care of it! Maybe it’s a huge presentation you feel unprepared for; stop putting it off and prepare for it! Maybe you are avoiding talking to your child’s math teacher for whatever reason; get over it and stop by the school after work! All of those tiny little to-do tasks add up, and it can cause you some serious stress. Bear down and take care of as many of them as you can and you’d be surprised at how amazing you feel knowing all of those little tasks are completed.
5.) Appreciate how far you’ve come. Goals we set for ourselves often take a long time to achieve, so it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated about halfway through when you feel like you haven’t made any progress. Chances are though, you have made some progress, you just haven’t stopped to realize it yet. Do you have a goal to lose 20 pounds and you’ve lost 12 so far? Good for you, that’s a big deal! So take a second and think about what you’re trying to accomplish and how far you’ve come toward that particular goal.
What are some ways you guys take the first step?
Ah yes, our passion. At times it can be so elusive, and vague comments from others (“Well, just pick something you like and do that.”) are virtually useless. So here are a few inspirational points that might help you get on the right path.
1.) Often people attempt to live their lives backwards. They try to acquire more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
2.) Don’t be normal. Sadly, normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you financed, in order to get to the job that you don’t really like, but that you need, to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
3.) If you are passionate about it, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
4.) Live by choice, not by chance. Make changes, not excuses. Be motivated, not manipulated. Work to excel, not compete. Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.
5.) When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.
6.) It’s not about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Sometimes you just have to go for it.
7.) Nothing you have that much passion for is ever a waste of time, no matter how it turns out in the long-term.
8.) Life is short. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
9.) A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write. This concept can be universally applied.
10.) There are people who live in a dream world and there are people who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.
11.) If you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
12.) When we focus on leading a passionate, meaningful life, we are also inadvertently creating a spectacular ripple effect of inspiration in the lives around us. When one person follows a dream, tries something new, or takes a daring leap, everyone nearby feels their passionate energy; and before too long, they are making their own daring leaps while simultaneously inspiring others.
Do you guys have any quotes that inspire you?
How many times during the day do you think something to yourself? Probably more than you think. The truth is, you (yes, that person in the mirror) are the biggest influence on howyour life turns out. And if we can’t change our thoughts, we very well can’t change our actions, now can we? So let’s make sure the following thoughts get shut down before they even start.
1.) I can’t/it’s too late/I’m not good enough/it doesn’t matter anyway/what’s the point. Yes, all of these excuses fall under the same category and all of them are collectively number one on this list for a reason. Don’t sell yourself shortbecause your mental guestimate of your abilities is inaccurate. You are just as capable and deserving as anyone else, and it does matter or you wouldn’t be having this conversation with yourself right now. Your body is an amazing thing; if you want it to stand up, walk across the street and talk to the cute guy in the coffee shop it will do it. The only thing stopping you is your mind.
2.) I don’t have time. Everyone thinks they don’t have time, but then something comes up and they end up making time. So make time now! Research has shown that the average person can find an extra six hours (six hours!!) in their day if they were to prioritize their tasks and work more efficiently.
3.) I’ll do it someday. Why someday? Putting it off until “someday” conveys the idea that you aren’t able to do it now, and why? Is there really something standing in your way? Right now, at this very moment, you are the oldest and wisest you have ever been, while at the same time being as young and able as you have ever been. Don’t waste time dedicating part of your life to “someday.” Do what makes you happy now.
4.) I could make a fool of myself. Yes, you could. You could also trip and fall walking through the grocery store, so do you stop going to the store? No! And the reason: because you’ve been to the store and not tripped and fell enough times that your mind doesn’t recognize it as a realistic threat. There are many opportunities to make a fool of yourself (many of them you are enormously overthinking), but if you avoided all of them you would be a hermit. Live a little bit and let yourself make mistakes. The fear of being a fool is not keeping you from being one; it’s keeping you from living, period.
5.) It didn’t work out the last time. Circumstances changeand people learn, including you. If you let your past determine your future, your future is going to be an exact replica of your past.
6.) Well if so-and-so thinks it’s a good idea… Honestly, it doesn’t matter what so-and-so thinks! It matters what you think! Granted, everyone needs a little advice from someone else once in a while, but constantly needing someone else’s opinion causes you to forget to have one of your own. After all, if so-and-so has a different opinion than you, and you always go with their opinion, what’s the point in even having your own?Do what you want to do, regardless of what others may think.
Do you have any negative thoughts you need to get rid of?
Slumps…we all have them. They’re those little sections of life when things just don’t seem to be going right. Maybe you haven’t been to the gym in a month and no matter what you do just don’t feel like going. Maybe you’ve been behind at work lately and you just can’t seem to catch up. Or maybe it’s your mood; maybe no matter what is going on in your life right now you just feel kind of…blah. These are slumps, people, and once you’re in one it can be hard to snap out of it, but it’s definitely not impossible. Here are some of the best ways to get yourself back on track.
1.) Stop. More specifically, stop thinking. Stop thinking about what you have to do tomorrow, what you forgot to do today, how your mother-in-law is driving you crazy, how you’ve gained 6 pounds since June when you promised yourself you’d lose 10: just stop. Whatever you’ve been doing lately hasn’t been working (you are in fact, in a slump), right? Right, so stop and take a deep breath; you are about to change gears.
2.) Focus. Find a place where you can sit, with pen and paper, undisturbed for a few minutes and think clearly. That means you step away from any electronic distractions (the television, the computer, your cell phone, etc.) and go somewhere comfortable. And don’t let yourself make excuses; the world is not going to explode if dinner is 30 minutes later than it usually is for the love of God.
3.) Write it down. Our minds are constantly running (as you probably already know). Research has shown that when we write down what we are thinking about on paper (how upset we are with a loved one or what we need at the store, for example), our mind can relax a bit knowing it doesn’t need to keep thinking about that information. It’s the same thing that happens when someone gives you their phone number; you repeat it to yourself until you enter it in your phone or write it down. And as soon as you do, you stop thinking about it, right? Problems you are dwelling on work the same way. So take a second and write down what is bothering you.
4.) Refine. After you write down what is bothering you (don’t worry if it’s an insanely long list, chances are you’ve needed to get some things out), take a look at what you’ve written. Did you write “Dan won’t fix those shelves I’ve asked him to fix for 2 weeks” and “Dan didn’t pack the kids’ lunches” and “Dan made work plans on our anniversary night” the problem might not be all of those little things. Instead, the problem might be “Dan and I need to communicate better.”
5.) Determine a resolution. If the problem is that you and Dan need to communicate better. Write down a time that the two of you need to talk, undisturbed. Not while both of you are running to your cars in the morning, not the second he gets home from work. Pick a time when you can both talk. The same goes for other issues. If the problem is that you’re completely overwhelmed at work, think of a way you can take off some of your workload. Is there a fellow employee that can help you out for a bit (they could be in charge of the phone lines for the day while you work, for example)? Can you speak to your boss about getting caught up on your current assignments before taking on any more projects? If you’ve been feeling unmotivated, think of a way to get motivated. Haven’t gone to the gym in a while? Maybe you need a new pair of running shoes.
6.) Move on. Once you’ve addressed these issues and understand what you need to do, move on. Get up, make the dinner you’ve been postponing for 30 minutes, and stop thinking about it. Enjoy your dinner, watch some television with Dan, and get some sleep. Tomorrow your slump ends.
No matter what group of people you’re working with (your family, your coworkers, your intramural teammates, your church group), an open and effective line of communication is key. But that phrase, “effective communication”, tends to get thrown around a lot doesn’t it. As it turns out, there’s a whole lot to effective communication. There’s listening, using the appropriate tone and hand gestures, and various other things we do while talking. However, in most groups of people there are bound to be one or two shy folks, so how exactly do you get them talking? Well here you go; three ways to get someone engaged in a conversation:
1.) Say statements instead of questions. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it works. Asking someone a question demands a response. And not just any response, but one that is on subject and within a socially acceptable time frame. You’re putting pressure on someone without even knowing it. Statements, on the other hand, demand no response, allowing the other person to answer when and if they feel comfortable or not. A question also provides you the opportunity to judge them depending on their answer, while a statement simply says something about yourself.
For example, say you sit down next to a co-worker during lunch break and they are eating something that looks very spicy. The question, “Wow, whatis that? Is it really spicy?” can seem innocent, but it’s more difficult that you might think. The statement, “Wow, you must be pretty brave, that looks spicy!” is much easier to handle. The listener is required to do nothing, you were simply making a statement that their food looks spicy.
2.) Compliment them. Just as the above example indicates, the listener appeared to be “brave” when eating spicy food, not “crazy”. In addition, a compliment can open the door to letting them feel comfortable in their own skin. A simple, “Wow, you have beautiful handwriting!” can give someone that tiny boost of self-confidence they need to open up a bit more.
3.) Say something about yourself. People don’t, in general, willingly open up to strangers. Therefore, if you want someone to open up to you, you’ve got to make yourself seem a little less like a stranger, and a great way to do that is to say a little bit about yourself.
Take the above example in the break room. You can continue the conversation to say something like, “Wow, you must be pretty brave, that looks spicy! I never could eat spicy food, though I do keep trying!” In just one sentence, you have gone from “Stacy, the lady who sits at the west desk,” to “Stacy who wants to like spicy food.” It’s a small change, but a significant one.
What are some ways you get people talking?